A Gay Who Wants To Live On His Own Terms: A Short Story of Standing Up To People With No Boundaries

"Solitude is painful when one is young, but delightful when one is more mature."

This is from a random search on the internet saying that this came from Albert Einstein, but I'm not sure if that's true. All I'm certain of is that this line speaks my truth. When I was still in college, I thought being alone was a flaw that I was so ashamed to tell others. But as I grew older, I realized that being alone doesn't necessarily mean I'm lonely. I realized that being able to embrace solitude with open arms is a gift.

Recent events in my life have proven that I totally do not give a rat's a*s on other people's take on how I want to live my life. Let me tell you the story.

In August of 2022, my partner and I decided to live together in the house that his family was previously renting. Obviously, both of us, my partner and I, are to pay for the rent. So what exactly is expected from this arrangement? On my side, I expect that all decisions concerning the house will only be made by the two of us and no one else. Let me be clear with that, no one else.

Weeks after I moved in, his mother visited and just a few hours of being a visitor, I was already hearing that she did not like the way things were arranged in the living room and that she'd arrange them the way she wanted to. Wtf, right? Is that an attitude that you expect from your visitor? Definitely not in my house. Changes were made from time to time every time she would visit his son but I would always put them back to where they were before. We, my partner's mother and I, never talked about this but I made sure that my partner was aware that I didn't like the way his mother was changing things in the house.

One night, a few weeks after that first incident, my partner received a message from her that her friend was sleeping the night in the house without even asking if we were alright with that. Since it was just the first time, I calmed myself and accepted it. The morning came, the visitor's family was meeting her before her flight overseas. And lo and behold, the visitor decided that it was okay for her family to meet her at our house, just putting here that the threat of COVID-19 was still very strong at that time. Though she asked for permission and I said yes, what was I supposed to say? They came and walang kaabog-abog na pumasok, with their shoes on. Like really? I just mopped the floor very early that morning. My point here is wtf?! Nag-desisyon ka na ngang ayos lang sa amin na tumanggap kami ng bisita, hindi mo man lang sinabihan na maging maayos na bisita.

Then the last straw that totally pulled my trigger, nag-desisyon siyang ayos lang ulit sa amin, na mag-patira siya ng bisita niya sa bahay na 'to. On my point of view, sobrang disrespect na 'yon. Regardless kung sino pang poncio pilato 'yan, as long as hindi ka nagpapaalam sa nagbabayad ng utilities sa bahay, wala kang karapatang mag-imbita ng kung sinu-sinong tao without even asking for permission. Since I was not okay with what she did, I never exerted an effort to be nice. Remember, this is not the first she did it. And no, hindi ako magpapaka-plastik just to accommodate kung anong gusto niya. Apparently, it became a fire that I am not willing to put off. I was not surprised at all though. For someone na ang lakas ng sense of entitlement sa bagay na hindi naman niya ginagastusan, natural yung reaction niya.

After all this, I'm not willing to repair whatever relationship we have unless I hear an apology from her. I'm done with people like her who always think they have a say on what happens inside my house though they do not have any money on the table. Decision-making inside our house is always only between my partner and me, and no one else's opinion matters.

So, what exactly I am saying? People will always tell you na nagbago ka na kapag hindi ka na nila napapasunod sa gusto nila. And that's normal. People change and we change for our own betterment, hindi para mapabuti ang mga taong pilit nakikialam. They will tell you that you're selfish. And that's okay. It's never wrong to be selfish for your own good.