Random Thoughts While Having Coffee

"I love thinking things through while having a cup of coffee. Here are some random thoughts I have while having my cup for the day."

Entries are raw and unedited ideas and thoughts as I have my morning coffee, from newest to oldest. But this is on hold for now since it's my 2025 Holiday Writing Tradition. You may view my logs here.

***

It's the 7th already of Feb. I'm excited for my first time off from work since my long vacation last holiday. Well, this coming Friday is a special non-working holiday as declared by the president kasi Chinese New Year daw the following day, Saturday.

I'm not sure yet if I'm also going to take tomorrow or Monday next week as an off or not at all. Anyway, I'm excited sa plan namin this coming Friday kasi pupunta daw kaming Binondo for a Chinese food crawl. Hahaha. Papakabusog pero sana eh hindi gumapang pauwi dahil sa kabusugan.

As for work, nakaka-stress. I feel like it's starting to cripple me kaya I'm taking the holiday na rin para makapagpahinga rin ang katawan at brain ko.

***

Last day na ng January. And it has to end na may away kami ng partner ko. Last night, I found out a thing na sobrang nagpasama ng loob ko to the point that I didn't even know how to process it right there and then. Hindi ko alam kung magagalit ba ako, maiinis, kung sisigaw ba ako dahil sa sobrang biglang buhos ng frustrations ko.

All I could do was walk away from the scene, be far from him. And once I was already far from him, a tear just fell from my right eye. Parang pelikula lang di ba? Pero totoo 'yan. Sa sobrang bigat ng loob ko, hindi na kayang i-process ng isip ko ang nangyari. I couldn't even focus anymore sa trabaho ko kaya I logged out on the dot. It's the worst feeling I've ever had since 2016 when I had a horrible break-up with my now ex.

I was super thankful that #TheBeekeeper was already available online. It helped me keep my anger and frustration at bay. Every time Jason Statham punched and kicked a person, I felt like I was releasing my emotions through him. Anyway, I feel okay now. Wala na yung negative emotions ko, and I'm hopeful that we'll be able to come up with a solution sa problema naming 'to.

***

It's Tuesday of the last full week of January 2024. As cliché as this sounds, what the heck?! January is almost over. Time seemed to fly so fast compared to last year.

I thought I would be able to accomplish something more than what I've done already this month, but I just can't seem to focus and push myself to do them. I don't know, maybe it's because of my hair. Maybe I need to get a haircut already. It's weird? Maybe. But I can't seem to move around freely because my head feels heavier than usual due to my hair. Before, when I used to have very short hair, I had the energy to finish things and just fully focus on my goals.

Let's see what I will get tomorrow. This is going to be my first agenda after I wake up tomorrow morning.

***

First entry on this post for the new year, all I can say is it's a rough start to the year. But maybe a little better compared to some years in the past.

I'm trying my very best to find another source of income because living, just merely living, in this society is getting harder and harder if you don't have enough money. I can't say I'm frustrated with our current situation because other people are experiencing it worse than us. Recently, I looked at my payslip. I discovered that almost an equal amount to our bi-weekly grocery budget is being deducted from my salary just for PhilHealth contribution. I felt so enraged and sad and tired. I'm working so hard, yet I'm not seeing any improvement in the health services of the government.

My mother wants one of her teeth extracted, but can't immediately do it because they don't have enough money to cover the expenses. Since the health center near their home requires patients to pay for the service. A health center run by the government is asking for money from the people whom they are supposed to serve with no fee.

***

Writing here again after a few days of staying in bed later than usual. Lately, I've been having difficulty sleeping. Maybe it's just the domino effect of waking up outside of my schedule. So much with that. Right now, I'm thinking about our current economic situation. Based on our experience, it looks like living in the city has been a bit more expensive than usual. Yes, almost nothing in our household budget has changed, but it feels like money just passes through our wallets and then goes in a matter of seconds. Our usual grocery list almost never changed compared to the previous month, but our expenses for these household items almost doubled.

I mean, yes, I still feel that we're lucky to even be able to buy our groceries and still not remove anything from the list. But if this goes on for a few more months, I'm not so sure anymore. Anyway, I've been thinking about getting a second project since I noticed that my hours after my current project are just wasted on watching a lot of movies and other content on social media. I still haven't decided on it yet, but it looks like the time to have a second project is getting sooner rather than later, so why not now?

***

Taking in more of what happened last week, nakaka-gag* iyong mga taong ang galing magmalinis at may lakas ng loob na mag-maganda eh sila 'tong mas bulok ang pagkatao.

I know at some point, I'll be able to get over the things that they did and said to me. But definitely not today, not in the very near future. And as I said before, no change in actions and attitude means no remorse for what they did.

***

The past few days have been very eye-opening for me. My major takeaway is to not let other people know of our plans unless we are sure that they are the people who always have our backs, no matter what.

A deep conversation with my partner got us to a decision to ignore the noises in our surroundings and just focus our attention and energy on our goals.

***

It's Sunday, a slow one that is- got up from bed around 01:45 PM. This day doesn't require much action and urgency since tomorrow is a national holiday. Ang sarap sa feeling na ngayon ay optional na lang sa akin ang maging busy.

We have great plans for the coming days, and I'm very excited about them. I'm having a new project, and my certification as a training facilitator is coming unexpectedly fast. This coming week excites me in ways I hadn't been before.

***

Planning and budgeting for two people is a very challenging task. Let alone that we just started this journey of being financially responsible as a couple.

But you know what, this is such a great thing. I mean, it's good that we're already doing this, thus making our future lives together more comfortable. Though I'm very sure that this will require more discipline from both of us. And I think we're both ready for it. I'm very, very excited!

***

Due to some events recently, I realized that it's always best to keep away from your toxic and Marites friends and relatives on social media. In the first place, hindi mo kaibigan ang isang tao at never kang itinuring na kapamilya ng isang tao kung kapag nakatalikod ka ay ikaw ang laman ng kanilang mga kwento.

Tatahimik ang buhay mo if you only keep people in your circle who always have your back. Proven and tested ko na 'to. I recently had another run of this idea to test my first impression of my SO's relative. And it gave me the same conclusion. So yeah, another lesson learned for me, just because they showed you their best attitude when they first met you, doesn't mean that you can already trust them.

***

Downtime before working is so refreshing 'no? Sarap sa feeling na mag-start ng day sa trabaho knowing na masaya ang time mo outside of work. Regardless kung stressful ang trabaho or hindi, excited akong mag-logout from work and do the things that I love doing.

Sa ganda ng set-up at schedule ko sa work, I still get to do things on weekdays, hindi tulad dati na kapag weekdays eh work at tulog lang talaga ang 95% ng araw ko. I'm very grateful na sobrang supportive ng manager namin pagdating sa work-life balance.

***

When you talk about other people behind their backs, do you still expect that they will let you eat their food? 'Di ba obvious naman na hindi na? But let's make it more obvious, HINDI NA!

As a person who values peace and quiet at home, the moment you create noise, regardless of how loud it is and who you are, as long as it disrupts that calm, you are no longer welcome inside. You have to go! So don't expect, just please, don't expect that I will just sit in a corner and let you do your shit. Sabi nga nila, my house, my rules.

This is an ongoing, almost daily project that I have now. Expect that this will be updated from time to time.

A Cup of Morning Coffee: Early Daydreams of a Sunday

"Ever wonder what you will do for the rest of your life? I have these moments, especially when I'm having my morning coffee on a weekend. Why on a weekend? I'm not very sure but perhaps I always have all the time in the world on weekends since I have no work tasks to bother me."

Most of the time, thinking of a life in a cozy home with my future husband is what I think of. I always picture myself waking up beside him with our dog greeting as with licks and kisses. Maybe waking up around seven and have a great morning make-out or sex? Of course, a nice bath right after. We will go downstairs to cook our breakfast of egg, bacon, fried rice, and freshly brewed coffee. We will have breakfast at the table set up in our back patio facing our beautiful backyard garden with our two cats perched on the beam of the patio rails judging us for having breakfast before them.

Thirty minutes past eight, maybe we're all done in washing the dishes and the cats and dog are already done with their breakfast. It's time for our in-door hobbies. I'm definitely be reading a book or probably writing another entry for this blog and my husband doing his own thing as we sit on a cozy sofa in our living room while our cats bully our poor dog. After some time, maybe we'll receive a catch-up call from our relatives or friends and talk about things that happened between their call and the last time we talked, which will probably be a week ago, and ultimately reminding us of a lunch or dinner with them in the next few days. Or maybe, it's our turn to host the Sunday dinner and they can't wait to be in our home.

After realizing that it's almost 11, we decided to end the call and remind everyone of what to bring to our in-person catch-up. My husband and I will go straight to the kitchen and decide on what to cook for lunch. After an hour, lunch is ready and we decide to take a bath first before eating to free our bodies from the sticky feel of our sweat and the grizzly heat of the mid-afternoon sun.

It's one in the afternoon and we're done with lunch and just want to lay down and watch a movie as we try to doze off for our siesta with our dog and cats sleeping on each side of the bed as the AC blasts its cold air. Around 30 minutes past three, our alarm goes off and wakes us up to be reminded that tonight is a special dinner so we have to prepare early to be able to serve it at seven.

As we take a light snack while preparing the ingredients of the dinner that we decided on at least a week ago, we talk about the things that we need to do in the coming week. Perhaps, a mid-week dinner with a friend or a former colleague to talk about investments and maybe future travels with them. It's five o'clock and we're ready to cook dinner. After a few minutes, we hear the ring of the doorbell and a text from an expected visitor. My husband will be welcoming our guests while I start the fire of the stove to sautee some onion and garlic to start our planned three-course dinner.

After a few minutes of appreciating our wall gallery and painting collection, our guests go to the kitchen to greet me and hand me the three bottles of red wine that they bring for the dinner. As they politely offer to help in the preparation, I tell them to just have a seat and talk to me as I cook. My husband comes in after getting some ingredients from the basement pantry and joins in the conversation as he helps me with the cooking.

Finally, dinner is almost ready. Since it's a starry night, we decided to have dinner on the back patio. As my husband sets up the table with our first guests, I prepare our food and use our dinnerware collection for special occasions. When the clock strikes six-thirty, two cars pull over in front of our house and a series of rings from the doorbell can be heard after a few seconds. At last, it's the last guests that we're expecting. So I wash my hands, make sure that the stove is already turned off, remove my apron and put it back in its place, and hurry to greet our visitors.

After setting up their bags in the living room, I lead them to the back patio so we can start our dinner. After all the hugs and chit-chats, and everyone is settled, my husband and I decide that it's time to serve dinner. And the night has been filled with the funny stories and laughter of a great company.