Bampirang Uhaw Sa Lakas

"Sa tuwing sasapit ang gabi, ang katawan ni Antonio ay sadyang nag-iinit sa kadahilanang hindi niya malaman. Isang linggo pa lamang ang nakakalipas mula ng lumuwas siya ng Maynila para mag-aral sa isang sikat na unibersidad."

"Gabi na naman", ang wika ni Antonio sa sarili habang nakaupo sa isang bakal na upuan sa beranda ng inuupahan niyang apartment. Kung siya ay makikita ng ibang tao, siya ay mukhang may malalim na iniisip pero ang totoo, sadyang gusto niya lang talagang pinag-mamasdan ang paglubog ng araw. Gustong-gusto niya ito dahil ito ang hudyat na mapapawi na naman ang init ng kanyang katawan.

Sa tuluyang paglubog ng araw ay pumalit ang buwang nagbibigay ng sapat na ilaw para makita niya ang kaniyang sariling repleksiyon sa salaming nakaharap sa beranda ng kaniyang tirahan. Mabusising pinagmasdan ng lalaki ang sariling katawan sa harap ng salamin at napangiti nang akala mo ay nakakaloko. "Ang katawang ito ay siguradong makakabingwit na naman mamaya ng mga taong katulad niyang nagtatago sa dilim", sa isip-isip niya.

Matapos kumain ng gabihan ay kaagad siyang naligo. Kinuskos ng lalaki maging ang kasuluk-sulukan ng kanyang kawatan gamit ang tinuyong patola na galing pa sa likod-bahay nila sa probinsya. Matiyaga niya ring nilinis ang kaloob-looban ng kaniyang katawan sa abot ng kanyang makakaya. Muli na naman siyang napangisi at galak na galak na tinapos ang paliligo habang pakanta-kanta ng Milkshake ni Kelis.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

And they're like, it's better than yours

Damn right it's better than yours

I can teach you, but I have to charge

I know you want it

The thing that makes me

What the guys go crazy for

They lose their minds

The way I wind

I think it's time

Matapos makapagsuot ng puting sando at boxer shorts ay metikuloso niyang sinuklay ang fade cut na buhok at kinuha ang android phone na regalo pa sa kaniya ng kaniyang mga magulang noong magtapos siya sa senior high school. Pagkaharap na pagkaharap sa salamin ay kaagad na kumuha ng ilang litrato na kita lamang ang kaniyang torso pababa.

"Busog ka na naman ngayong gabi, Antonio", sa isip-isip niya at sabay bukas ng isang app sa kaniyang phone.

Spending My Night In This Quarantine

"I usually spend the usual lunchtime sleeping because my apartment is just very inviting for that."

This is the second part of my first ever post about my day in this community quarantine which you can read here.

Writing at 200PM. Right now, I feel like going back to sleep, my head feels heavy and putting it on top of a very soft pillow feels so heavenly. But I'm hungry and my brain is telling me to eat first before doing anything. Except maybe for typing my thoughts away. I'm currently heating a pan of water because my water heater just gave up on me two days ago and I really need to have tea now. As I wait for the water to be ready for nice cups of tea, I'm watching Food Insider's Regional Eats on YouTube. Yes! I find watching videos about different foods very calming during this time.

Writing at 0300PM. It's been two weeks since the community quarantine for the whole Metro Manila has been implemented to minimize if not zero out the infection of COVID-19 to the whole country. But where exactly are we now? Am I still okay? Or am I just denying the that I'm not worrying at all?

Two weeks have passed and I'm still here in my apartment, alone, getting messages from family and friends from time-to-time, watching movies and videos on Netflix and YouTube, sleeping, eating. And to emphasize my boredom and hidden anxiety, I already finished washing all the clothes in my laundry basket that I've been trying to finish since November last year.

Am I worried? Worried that I may get infected when I go out of my place to buy food supplies? Worried that I may not be able to survive this crisis, not because of the virus, but because of starvation? Am I worried that my family in the province may get infected? Am I worried that it may come to a point where the company that I'm used to work for before this quarantine will just lay me off because they don't have the financial capacity anymore to support their business?

Hell, yes! I may not be showing my worries physically but deep inside, I'm a tornado of worries right now. And writing this is my only way to not bother other people because I know that we are all struggling from different things with this current crisis.

I just got up from bed 20 minutes ago from my second sleep since five this morning. I just couldn't get to sleep at night. I feel like it's safer to sleep during the day and be more alert during the night. So, I just forced myself to watch Netflix and YouTube videos last night but not really being able to focus on what I was watching while stress-eating. My mind was all over the place, thinking of things that may happen if this quarantine will not be lifted after a month from the day that it was implemented.

It's the 14th day now of the quarantine and I feel like I'm such a mess. I have a lot of things in my mind that I want to do but all I can do is think of them and create plans to execute them once this quarantine is lifted.

Writing at 0400PM. I tried to have siesta but sleep just won't visit me so here I am again in front of my laptop looking for any interesting random videos on YouTube.

Writing at 0600PM. Having my first meal of the day after sleeping from 0600AM up to 0430PM. I just received a pack of noodles and a can of sardines from my landlady. I'm not so sure if it's from her own pocket or from the local government, either I'm just thankful that I got something to add to my supplies without spending anything.

I bought something for snacking later in the store of my landlady. It took me almost an hour though to get up from bed after sleeping from 1200PM to 0430PM because of the tea that I had around 1130AM. I was very surprised that the combination of the different packed teas that I have would make me so sleepy. Right now, I just want to eat something heavy, something with a lot of carbs and protein.

Writing at 0700PM. I just finished folding my remaining freshly dried clothes. I'm currently watching the continuation of the YouTube video that I started watching earlier today while steeping my second cup of tea for the day.

Writing at 0800PM. I just finished my dinner, corned beef sandwich. Internet today is very slow, I'm still watching the two-hour video that I started earlier today. I'm having my second cup of tea now. I'm still steeping another cup though, but that is for the iced tea and milk tea that I'm planning to make tomorrow.

Writing at 0900PM. I just took my first bath of the day and put on some perfume just so I can feel like it's just another normal prep to work but suddenly I just decided to just work from home. I already had my dinner two hours ago sponsored by my landlady. I also registered earlier to an online workshop on forex trading that will be on Saturday afternoon.

I just took my first bath of the day. I haven't eaten yet for the past 12 hours and yes, I was asleep since 1000AM until around 0600PM. I'm already hungry but I don't want to cook anything. I feel like I have to consume my stocks slowly and just eat if I feel very hungry already because I think this quarantine will not be lifted next week, as planned. And I still don't feel safe going out even if the government will lift it next week.

Writing at 1000PM. I just got up from bed after sleeping for a good one hour. I already ate my dinner around seven o'clock earlier. My landlady just gave me another free lunch today comprised of bread, lumpiang toge, a meat dish, and a cup of rice. Since I was sleeping the whole day, I just ate it during dinner.

Also, I just got the fully approved loan form that I sent last Saturday to our company HR. I'll be sending it tomorrow to the concerned government agency. For today though, I have nothing planned at all. Maybe I can just read a book for the whole night or watch some movies again. On the contrary, my mind and body are already yearning for work. I'm just worried though that once this pandemic is over I may not have a job to get back to given that IMF already said that the world economy is already in recession and many US companies have already laid off many of their employees.

Writing at 1200AM. I'm currently cooking rice since I'm hungry again despite eating dinner four hours ago. While waiting for the rice to be cooked, I'm watching farm life videos on YouTube.

Writing at 0100AM. After thinking of how my day should go while having a very later first meal of the day, I took a long bath to feel more energized and be ready for another day in front of my laptop. I decided to get out for a while to look for an open computer shop so I could have my application form for a loan in a government agency printed. Unfortunately, all of the neighboring shops were all closed. So, I just went back to my apartment to fill out the form using a PDF editor online and had the form sent to the HR Team of the company that I'm working for so they could send it to the agency as their confirmation and validation were needed.

As I worked on the form, I was catching up with my mother in the province regarding the current situation in their neighborhood. Simultaneously, I was also chatting with my partner on Messenger. Being able to talk to my loved ones has been one of the things that keeps me grounded since this quarantine started.

Five o'clock hit and that's my cue for my first nap of the day. After almost two hours, I was awaken by the community mobile reminding the people of the curfew hours from 0800PM to 0500AM. Since I could no longer go back to sleep, I decided to get up and prepare my dinner already.

Writing at 0200AM. I tried to sleep but it seems like my body clock is already returning to its previous routine when I was working in my previous company.

Writing at 0300AM. I'm now starting the mood board of the permaculture property that I want to have.

Please note that I already stopped writing my hourly entries since I'm already working on-site since the third week of April.

After all the things that I did and experienced while staying at home to be safe from the threats of COVID-19, it's safe to say that being alone and away from your loved ones at this time has its own good and bad sides. I never have to worry about infecting them just in case I contracted it while doing my grocery shopping or working on-site. But the anxiety and stress that it can cause need to be checked from time-to-time.

As you must, always take care of yourself and be safe out there (a line that I've been using at work).